Tags
Atheism, blessing., faith, God, Gratitude, Jigsaw, Life, miracle, Mom, Mumbai bomb blasts, Savior, spirituality
Circa 1993 . H.S.C exams. Biology, my favorite paper. Every answer on my fingertip; and from there fluidly onto the answer paper. The giddy bubbly feeling when everything is sailing smooth. Life is perfect!
My answers fill Main plus 3 extra sheets. I crosscheck my roll number and hand over the paper bang on time. I stroll out with a silly smug smile hovering over my lips. As I collect my bag, Disaster strikes! I have forgotten to mention 1 + 3 (answer sheets) on the main page! Even if one paper gets loose, there goes my Medical Admission seat down the drain. My legs turn to jelly. I run back to the classroom and seek out the Supervisor desperately.
Haggard face, plump body, knit eyebrows, Impatience Incarnate! She refuses to entertain me. I plead and cajole. She refuses outright. Ten minutes of pleading gets me no results. I come out trembling. This is why I don’t believe in God, I swear with clenched fists. I see the gloomy future clearly. Out of all the exam papers in this world, only mine will come undone. I am sure my dream of a medical seat is lost forever.
Mom is waiting outside. She takes one look at my face; says nothing. We sit silently side by side in the taxi. She drops me home, serves me lunch, tries to cheer me up. We hear a sudden burst of noise, “People burst crackers for no reason, even during exam times!” she shakes her head in reproval. She has to leave for her half-day school duty. I don’t speak a word to her, don’t wave back as she leaves for work. My sullen silence is my punishment to her; for her guiltless presence in the events of today. Innocent bystander.
Tomorrow’s exam paper. I cannot concentrate. All I can see is the Supervisor. Bxxxh! I swear, Frustrated bxxxh! I hope Life teaches her a bitter lesson, I ruminate silently. Fuming, burning, tormented. I focus all my negative energy on Her; the enemy who will deprive me of my dream. I absolve myself completely of my fault. It is safer to blame another.
Evening comes. Doorbell. Mom returns Home. She is sweating, her hair in disarray. “You don’t know? Switch on the TV.” she says briefly.
The date today is 12 March 1993….Venue: Mumbai.
I don’t know why this incident has erupted out of my memory today. All I know is, my Mom travelled from HajiAli to Worli to Dadar. Like everyday.
3 bomb blasts occurred on her way (Century Bazaar, Passport office, Plaza cinema). Death unleashed itself on her road 3 times today, dancing ahead of her by mere 10 minutes.
…10 minutes that I spent arguing and pleading with the Bxxxh…10 minutes that allowed Mom to survive.
…The day I believed was a nightmare for my future dreams. The day my Mom got a Life reprieve.
…The moment I thought God had played a dirty trick on me…The day that allowed Rhea to see and meet her GrandMa.
It may be just coincidence; maybe not.
Maybe I was just a tiny piece of God’s jigsaw puzzle. So few of us are lucky enough to see the Bigger Picture. I don’t know if I deserved the blessing of that day; the blessing that so many others were denied that day.
Blessed…and blissfully unaware. God’s jigsaw piece
My amygdala pressed the ‘Save’ button on the incident and moved it to the ‘Archives’ section. For some reason, it ricocheted back from the archives today. Before I lose this moment of clarity and gratitude; before I get back to shrugging off all miracles in my life as my due; Thank you…and Sorry.
Even though I was an atheist,(click link for my journey from Atheism to Theism, and specifically Bhagwad Gita) I was still sent a messenger. I don’t remember her name , nor her face. The frustrated Bxxxh…my Savior . For the sake of your children and grandchildren, Ma’am, I pray that you reached home safely that day. I hope I was that vital jigsaw piece in your life that day.
And You? When was the last time you learnt that an adversity maybe a blessing in disguise? That Life maybe too abrupt to swear & blame? That Life may spring you a gift when you thought it was a curse?
Impractical Dreamer 
Nice read that leaves the reader with the thought that any event that looks good or bad on the face of it may appear different when looked at in the hindsight.
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Hindsight is THE keyword here. Very rarely do we keep the faith during the event.
I read a lovely thing – is that even the bad events are possibly a softened blow.
For example, I once had a minor car accident just when I was returning from transferring a substantial cash amount for a needy cousin. Now, I could have interpreted the car accident as a punishment INSPITE of doing a good deed or concluded that good deeds don’t get rewarded.
But when I thought from ‘softened blow’ theory, maybe I was intended for a bigger accident, but got a milder dent instead. That way of thinking made me accept the dent in my car with much ease and lesser pain than I would have otherwise.
Thank you for the visit & comment.
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Reblogged this on lovehappinessandpeace and commented:
I have spent LONG years in Fighting with God, even Cursing God. And now, as He has slowly opened my eyes, I see that I have Experiences and Incidents of His Saving, Loving Presence – TOO NUMEROUS TO COUNT.
Thank You, Dr. Shinde, for Sharing this.
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Same here. I used to be an atheist – well, I’M still sometimes on the fence.
However, I have realized that I used to take all positive events in my life for granted ; but used every negative event in life as proof of God’s absence.
That has changed now. I feel gratitude for the good events and positive people in my life – and I don’t take them for granted anymore. They are a gift, and I don’t know if I’ve done anything worthwhile to deserve them.
So, basically, instead of saying ‘Why Me?” during bad times, I ask myself , ‘Why Me?’ during good times. I hope someday, I’ll deserve the happiness & joy I’ve been granted.
Share with us your eye opening incidents too. Ur followers would love to read them.
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Great to read all that, Sweety! …As for my sharings, I do not write what people would ‘love’ to read, but what the world in general Needs; in our case, a Shake up. …Regards.
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Exactly, that is exactly what every blogger should do. After all, we blog to express our own views – the motives may differ from post to post & blogger to blogger. Some do posts to inspire, some to shock, some to celebrate, some to help, some to vent out anger, some to give voice to a social cause.
So enjoy writing what comes from the heart. Love & regards.
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Still hard to believe in God. MAny lucky things have happened tome, and many disasters too. But still I am unable to fabricate a thing in my mind, call it GOD and make it responsible for everything happening to me. It seems so artificial to me.
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Yes, I understand completely. For years I’ve been an atheist – and am still not completely converted over to the other side.
I have stopped putting pressure upon myself to strictly adhere to either category or to straightjacket my beliefs.
Instead I find Krishn’s philosophy more convenient. Thus, I try to my utmost best and if I succeed, I pat myself on the back AND also express gratitude to God.
The same for disasters, I rebuke myself for my shortcomings if any and at same time, I am free to fight with or vent out my feelings to God.
I was quite put off by religious fanatics & intermediaries. Then I gradually understood that they are too diminutive, too tiny, too miniscule to become the main factors behind my atheism. Now I have made a clearcut distinction between Religion and God. It makes me free to disregard them & religious rituals … but speak directly to God. Eliminate the middle men.
I think of God as a friend and advisor, rather than a distant , vague shadowy figure in his ivory tower in Heaven. That makes it easier, for me atleast.
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Exactly what I was saying. We just need someone to blame for everything. But at the end of the day I feel that there is no entity out there. All philosophies regarding God are mere diversions to divert our minds from this world. They are like laughter therapy where we laugh without any reason so that the levels of stress hormone decreases.
Religion or spirituality, whatever you prefer, may be a necessary lie, but only for few. Most of the times we are talking to ourselves. There is none out there to listen. That’s what I believe.
I love philosophies, but not the one which tries to prove existence of god. And sri krishna was a great teacher and philanthropist, not any higher being. I find it insulting to him to regard him as god. This takes away all the efforts done by a person to reach a great level of understanding of our world. This makes his acheivements a result of his godly powers. I believe Sri krishna went through great pains to compile his teachings in the form of geeta so that people could gain from it, but we are foolishly bowing and praying to him for problems already solved in geeta. By the way I also believe Getta is not in it’s original form, I believe that it has been modified to suit religious purpose. One needs very careful reading of geeta to decipher it’s real message. The message has been cluttered by useless religious commentaries.
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I totally agree with the distortion of Geeta – or atleast its interpretation. Krishn was full on a supporter of Karma -yoga. Whereas vested interest try to divert it towards Bhakti yoga.
And yes, I do adore human Krishn – with all his eloquence, wisdom, diplomacy, foresight and ideas. I’ve always regretted that miracle spewing, Sudarshanchakra wielding God Krishn should overshadow the strategist Krishn.
As for ‘nobody out there to listen’, well, I think of that someone special as Placebo effect. In medicine, sometimes a vitamin tablet is issued as a therapeutic tablet. The mere psychological support of that tablet’s qualities makes the patient feel better.
I think of God as that – like a friend, a parent, a guide, a moral support. God shouldn’t become a crutch, but can become a solid support system.
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Don’t we have a right to chose our freinds. That’s why I don’t like the notion of God. It distorts our minds and limits our capacity to self conceive the unseen. Would it not be better if everyone is allowed to form his/her own conception. It may be possible that many people would never ever form such notion in their lives but isn’t it better than a false notion.
Many times multivitamins cure disease they are not supposed to, but many times , actaully most of the times in our villages someone cheats people who are seriously ill.
If one is shot by an arrow, one should take it out and cover the wounds with medicines. Once it is done, he/she can try to find out who shot the arrow .
Many people suffer everyday due to various reasons, should we not first try to make their lives better and after that only, try to find an imaginary being. This notion has led to so many wars, terrorism and so much violence, you know why ? Because before healing the wounds we have ventured into the feild of spirituality. We have formed a being to blame for our own faults.
Everyone’s spirituality or spiritual path is different and one can find his/her true path only if there is peace internally and harmony in outside world.
How would this deprived world venture in such sphere. If there is so much deprivation in day to day life, how can we even assume that any such spiritual venture would be well understood by everyone.
How can we assume that evryone would be tolerant about other’s veiw.
You and me have a little difference of opinion, but we are having much more for ourselves than 80% of humanity. Therefore we are having a peaceful and thoughtful discussion, but can we assume the same for everyone.
Why not end this deprivation first.
The utility of Notion of God is very less compared to to dangers it pose.
It is not harmless as a multivitamin but is more like a an antibiotic without prescription resulting in MDR-TB.
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You words are finding an echo with the younger Me.
I too had confused Temples/ Religion with God.
God is not the cause of violence – it is the people with wrong concepts, those who utilize God as an instrument for causing destruction & unrest, those who exploit God for gaining power over masses.
I have a personal equation with God, but it is harmless as long as I don’t insist on the rights of others to disbelieve. Open mind and peaceful co-existence is my code word. That’s why I have no problems interacting with either atheists or theists, since I myself have been on both curves of the arc. Both are right in their own way and both can exist on Earth without killing each other.
Read this earlier post : https://sweetyshinde.wordpress.com/2014/07/07/atheism-to-theism-via-a-man-and-a-meal/
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hmmm, seems pretty similar. But I think it would have been better if no one told me there is something like god.
Not everyone is kind and open minded like you and this generalisation of the concept of god has only created problems. With every generalisation there came the owners of that idea.
it would have been better if none ever tried to be an authority on spirituality. i wish there was no text, no teachng , nothing like that ever. Everyone would have openly presented their thoughts. There would not have been a synthetic division of human race as theist and atheist.
I also believe in spirituality, but not in god and definitely not in any religion. My spirituality has no concept of god but a spiritual goal. I would have found this goal much earlier if there was no clutter created by beleif in god. I used to be an avid devotee. i have read all major scriptures. Also, I have read books of other religions. I wish i had looked inside myself bit earlier.
I would again say, u are assuming people to be kind and open minded. True spirituality is for few only. It’s a fact till we allow people to move reflect upon themselves., which is impossible if there are so many deprivations in this world.
Conclusively, I find any notion of unseen, a dangerous venture.
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Gravity is also unseen – made real only by its visible effects. Isnt it?
I’m very impressed that u read so many scriptures. I read B. Geeta itself so late in my life.
When I attended B. G classes, I saw the condescending attitude, the ‘Us vs Them’ divide even from ISKCON devotees. The same way, I see the sneers of atheists if I mention God. So, yes, its more a war of believers vs non-believers rather than any actual, genuine interest in spirituality. Both reactions surprised me and left me saddened. Yes, there is growing intolerance to admit that 2 opinions can exist and can be mutually exclusive.
Why just these broad 2 classes, I even see open or cold wars btw Shaiviites & Vaishnaviites. It would be amusing if it wasn’t so disgusting. But then again, its the devotees at fault and not the entities over whom they are fighting.
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The wi-fi on the train running toward delhi which I am using right now, is also unseen. But it’s effect are visible.
Tell me even a single effect that we can say that god is behind this. All we can see can be explained without any need of god.
I am not against any theist, but this term. It is devisive. Everybody has his own spiritual goal to achieve. Why to generalise it and call god, and call all others who are different as atheist ?
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That’s exactly what I said – effects are visible but not the cause. So what about colors of sunset, every cell in our body knowing how to operate Na+/K+ pump, the intricate DNA designs, isn’t that a miracle? There must be some super wow force somewhere .
Well, I don’t believe we originated from a Darwinian big bang. I would rather believe in a more creative force – whether I call it Mother Nature or God is immaterial. Instead of God, call it A Force. That’s equally fine with me.
Like I said, I have zero problems with believers and non believers.
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Let’s make you argument clearer.
Once an aethist went to to scientist who was a theist. He sked him why to beleive in god.
The scientist asked him, ” why the sun rises ”, he replied ” due to rotation of earth on it’s own axis ”. The scientist then asked ” why earth rotates ”, he replied that ” because it was made from a cloud of gases rotating at very his speed on their own axis ”.
The scientist kept asking questions in backward direction and aetheist kept giving cause of everything, till he had no answers left.
Now, the scientist asked, ”why did big bang happened. Who set the rules of how our universe would be. Who set the gravitation laws, coulumbs law etc. Do you relly think you can answer all question ? Do you think that this cause effect series would ever end ? You will have to accept the fact that this series would end if and only if you accept that there was a first cause of this universe. You will have to accept that someone set the ball rolling .
Similarly, there is a forward series. Do you think you can find the ultimate effect of this universe.
Therefore, everything is an effect as well as cause of future effects. God is yhe first cause as well as ultimate effect. We have to accept that there is something causing this series. That thing must have set the ball,rolling
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But I find serious flaws in above argument.
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My arguments
1. If there is cause to everything and god is the first cause, then this is self contradictory. How can anything be first cause ? There must be a cause of god too. If not, this rule is not necessary and arguments to establish god as cause of yhis universe become invalid.
2. Just because we cannot find first cause and ultimate effect, we cannot attribute it to some magical force.
3. We are able to go deeper and deeper in solving mysteries of this universe. Till it becomes logically impossible to move further, it is not right to insert a.magical force in the process.
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Till there is even a slightest possibility for things to happen without magic, magic is unacceptable.
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What’s life without a little magic? I’m all for magic in life.
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Good thought, I agree 🙂
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That must have been a shocking day. But what a beautiful life lesson it has left you with. Indeed, God has His own mysterious ways to teach us His lessons, isn’t it? Sometimes though, it is too late by the time we understand.
Great that your mother reached home safe and sound. I too was once caught in a bomb scare. Although, i was too little at that time. We were at the underground Palika bazaar of Delhi when people started shouting that there was a bomb there. A stampede occurred. My sister and I were merely kids then so we enjoyed even that horror. But my parents were terrified. My father decided there was no way we all could escape through that stampede. So they just stood to a side and waited. Thankfully, either there was no bomb there or it was defused in time.
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My God! That must have been a harrowing anecdote to narrate later on. Very wise decision by your father to wait patiently. In such abrupt conditions, a cool mind is so vital.
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yeah, I suppose it was harrowing for my parents. For me, it was only fun. I was just a kid.
That just made me realize, how long it has been since terrorism became a part of our life. At that time, it was terrorism in Punjab. Now, the plague is just spreading and spreading and losing even the tiniest sense of humanity
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Very true, Jyoti! We have almost accepted unrest & terrorism as part an parcel of current life.
Terrorism is killer number 1 in entire world – and so sad that distorted religious ideas should be its chief underlying cause and propaganda.
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Ur blog reminded me of 26/11, That was an nightmare for all unfaithful people. But thankful to god that few of my friends and near one were safe as they just escaped from death
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Yes, indeed. Gratitude brings along peace and solace. 26/11 again was a dividing event. Those who survived being thankful and those unlucky enough not to have their near & dear ones safe …well, I cannot even imagine their anguish.
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Dr.Sweety;
Absolutely amazing post; I don’t how to thank you for sharing this link.
I am speechless……
Yes, one more time I realize that; each and every moment of our life he(GOD) protect us, defend us; but being or believing our self as a most practical, most knowledgeable, most intellectual person; we hardly pay attention that; there is someone who is much more smarter, shrewder, wiser, knowledgeable, intellectual and above all loving; who takes care of us more than we take care of us.
Wishing you all the best……………..
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Completely agree. Being humble makes us appreciate how many beautiful things are being done for us by unseen forces. Once in awhile, we should just bow down genuinely and say ‘Thank you’ – instead of cribbing to God or bribing him with promises or burying him under rituals.
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But believe me he hardly takes any note of it, whether we appreciate him or not; as a well wisher parents he hardly miss his any duty; no matter as a kid how we respond or react him positively or negatively towards his kindness.
Wishing you all the best………………..
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Yes, God is truly detached in that sense.
By gratitude, I mean as a means of self-peace, to feel warm and glowing about pluses in one’s life – instead of wallowing in self pity.
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God is real. On days when all go well he seems silent, but at the first sight of distress the desperation of his power is our only hope. God is love, the unseen hope that we cling to… Great post and congrats on the unique blogger award from our mutual dear friend, Swajithkas.
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Thank you Donna. I agree with your every word. Faith isn’t easy – but it makes difficult situations easier.
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Donna,
Glad to meet you here!!!!!!!!!!
You are absolutely at right place, and I wish, both of you start to follow each other’s blog, simply you both will enjoy the company of each other, when, two talented,creative people like both of you join life becomes more sweeteer, isn’t it??????
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Thank you, Swajith! Ur part of the relay link wrt Six degrees of separation.
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Hope you are doing well friend.
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Absolutely. Thank you. And you too, I hope.
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:))
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TO
DONNA & DR. SWEETY,
DUE TO GRACE OF GOD AND GOOD COMPANY OF WONDERFUL FRIENDS LIKE YOU LIFE IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING, BOTH OF YOU, KEEP ENJOYING BLOGGING FRIENDSHIP.
WISHING YOU ALL THE BEST……….
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You too, Swajith. Keep up the good work.
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Doing good! Thanks for checking in on us . Hope you are well Dr. Sweety🌻 .i have a post coming out
Today :))
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:)))
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