Tags
ambition, childhood, cynicism, death, dreams, hope, innocence, Life, maximum comments, promises, stress
‘’Hello, old friend. You failed me.’’
She perched on the edge of the window. Fragile, petite. Huge eyes fenced by inch-long eyelashes. Hauntingly familiar.
I reached to pat her fluffy cheeks, but she dodged it with a lithe ballerina twist, “You promised to teach me dance. You never did.”
I sighed, ‘Kiddo, I tried. We completed 3 levels, remember? “
“But not all 7 levels.”
“You know Life – exams, peer pressure, cut throat competition, corporate world. The innumerable whirlpools that suck one down – Stress, worry, hurry, deadlines, projects. Priorities change.”
She stifled a giggle, “Life has you dancing to its deadlines,” Then she sobered down, “You do know that your Life has its deadline in Death, don’t you?”
I winced and shifted positions. My knee joints creaked alarmingly.
“You sound like Grandpa’s knees. You … are old.” she observed.
“Gymnasium knees. I’m not old. I am mature.” I ventured with dignity, but she was not fooled.
“Older than Grandpa. He at least hums along to old Md. Rafi songs. And he goes all dreamy when Madhubala flashes her lopsided impish smile. When was the last time you hummed a tune?”
“Look, Kiddo. I am short on time, not on what to do with it. Unlike Grandpa.” I muttered the last bit, “I have to pay the home-loan installments and pay the maid’s salary…”
“Your full-time maid spends more time than you do, enjoying the home whose installments you spend all day working to earn.” Her wisdom had outgrown her age.
“Yes, Ms Smartie. But the house will be in my name after I die.”
“Wouldn’t you rather live in it?” her voice forlorn now, “You stumble out at dawn and stumble in past dusk. You don’t even speak to it anymore.”
“Speak to … you want me confined to a loony bin?”
“We used to whisper secrets to our old home. It was our Faraway Tree, our Magic Carpet, our Zoo, our farmhouse. It had soul – and it had memories. This poor thing has neither. Is that why it looks so sad and so lonely?”
“Looks fine to me. Needs re-paint.” I tried to shrug off the uneasy twist within me.
“Remember? Long ago, on Kojagiri nights after slurping on Masala milk, we used to sprawl all over the terraces and count the twinkling stars.”
“And now all I count is IT returns and investments.” I anticipated her wise crack and beat her to it.
“You failed me.” she insisted serenely once again, “You promised me sunsets and rainbows; you promised me music, melody and twirls; you promised to dream.”
She clambered onto my rickety knees, “Why did you tell me fairy tales? Prince Charming, Happily ever after, Angels and fairy Godmothers?”
“I was trying to initiate you into the world of ambition, of jealousy, of violence, of backstabbing, of sibling rivalry. Remember Snow White, remember Cinderella, remember Mahabharata?
Don’t blame me because you believed only the rosy parts. Life is cruel. Life is vicious.” I spoke through clenched teeth.
She threw her delicate arms around my neck, “What have they done to you? Where’s your innocence? Where’s your faith and trust? Where are your dreams?” her eyes brimmed with tears.
Her virgin gaze seared into my cynical bitterness, “Without me, you are the living dead. Hold on, hang on. Don’t allow them to win this battle.
Don’t kill me. Allow me to breathe. Promise?” she leaned forward and merged into Me.
My childhood. My innocence. My Self. My best long-lost friend.
This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.
Atisundar ,
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Dhanyawwad, Mataji!
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Absolutely wonderful intospections
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Hi Chaitali, thank you for the appreciation. You are a regular contributor to the WOW! write-up as well, aren’t you?
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Hey Sweety actually not….I write what my heart says…so one time only I did it as liked the topic And it rained that night…that’s all….let’s be in touch…
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For sure. I enjoy your writing. The best posts always come from the heart, na?
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Reblogged this on lovehappinessandpeace and commented:
A Wow Post!
Am taking slight liberties in presenting to You some ‘edited’ quotes. But they do not change the meaning.
“Wouldn’t you rather live? You stumble out at dawn and stumble in past dusk.”
“What have they done to you? Where’s your innocence? Where’s your faith and trust? Where are your dreams?”
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Hey, so sweet of you to reblog this! Hope it resonates with many working people, all stressed out and running God-knows-where.
Don’t they remind you of (was it Anton Chekov?) story about the man who was promised he would own all the land he could cover running in 2 hours. In the end, he dropped dead from exhaustion and could only claim place enough for his coffin!
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Now that You remind me, I do think of that one. Am not sure who the author is. But, if I remember, it was from Sun up to Sun down. Not that it is important.
You have reminded a Lot of people about the Important things of Life. 🙂
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A reminder for myself too.
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Kudos, my Dear Sweety! I am beginning to think that You must be at least 190 years old! And that photograph You present to Us must be at least 2 centuries old! Jokes aside, Very Wise thoughts. Much Love.
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HAHAHA. Wisdom does not always comes from one’s own mistakes. Sometimes, other’s mistakes are a good learning experience.
That apart, a million thanks for the sky-high praise.
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Nice to hear from You, of course, Sweety! But this one is really Very Good. We do not generally and easily ‘Re-blog’ things. As You must have noticed, have done it with Yours. I say it again: Very Good Thoughts. Keep them coming. Love.
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Much humbled and flattered!
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Love and Blessings. 🙂
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Excellent post. Very well expressed. Feelings about losing childhood and innocence.
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Hello
Thank you. Just thought everyone (including me) needed a nudge towards the REAL priorities in life. Family, discussions, contentment and peace of mind.
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Pillo ,to Chekov nahi Tolstoy asava.
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Hey Mom. Trust you to know the truth! Yes, it is Leo Tolstoy. The story, How much land does a man need?’.
Great work, Mom!
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too good mam….
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Hi Shrithi! So good to hear from you. Howz NIMHANS doing? Is the whole team the same or any new additions/subtractions?
Thank you for visiting my blog and appreciating the sentiments.
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Life has stolen away that innocence and dreams for us as we grew up … very beautifully illustrated 🙂
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We have allowed the dull confines of daily life to throttle them. If only we get epiphanies and permit that child within us to survive…
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This brought tears. So much wisdom here. Thank you.
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Thank you for the appreciation.
btw, I am a Pathologist too. Unlike you, am still practicing. It funds my blog/ sketching/ authoring activities!
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Good for you for hanging in there with pathology. I only lasted 26 years before I was cooked. Wish I’d saved up some money for retirement, but hey, I tried. Now it’s all about downsizing and trying to have a life again.
Make sure you don’t forget how to have fun. I almost did. 🙂
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26! I have only undergone 12 years of it.
Are you penning an Indie? Did you get beta readers?
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I’m experimenting with a re-write of a novel I finished in the 90’s. This re-write is in first person present tense and I’m doing it in the format of blog posts of an actual 19 year-old genius geneticist who lives in another universe. I’ve only written thee posts of this re-write, “Hapa Girl DNA,” one of which is a boring prologue.
I’m breaking many rules in this re-write because I’m trying to make it useful as a learning tool for writers and people who are depressed. Not that I’m qualified to teach about writing, but I’ve read a ton of “how-to” writing books over the years, plus I’ve been working at it for decades.
I don’t have any beta readers, but since I’m posting it here, I get a few “likes” that constitute more feedback than I’ve had before.
Twelve years is a substantial amount of time to be looking through a scope. After 26 years, my posture is horrible. I do yoga now, some of which helps the posture, I think. I hope you’ve got a scope that doesn’t require you to hunch over too much.
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Oh, I’m Indian. Got myself into yoga long ago. More for peace of mind than posture, but it helps multiple systems.
I am wary of ‘Likes’. It is a lazy way of saying ‘I saw ur blog post.’ I personally prefer comments, since they require more involvement and genuine interest.
I liked the decayed teeth analogy used for the brown and white rocks. I liked her dilly-dallying on the point of suicide. I really agree that most suicides are hoping till the last moment for a savior, for hope and another chance.
Nice work, if ur trying to deglamorize depression.
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Thank you. Yes, comments mean more than “likes,” but it takes up so much time answering them. I’m slow at that, I guess. Also, the negative comments would probably discourage me. If there was a “don’t like” button, I’d really be in trouble. 😉
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I’ve given you fodder for thought. Write ur next ‘How to write’ post about dealing with negative feedback. Afterall, even the so-called classics have haters.
I’m sure DNA girl would live and learn along with you.
‘One way to deal with depression would be to treat negatives and positives with complete equanimity.’- Quote from Bhagwad Gita.
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I just started reading the Bhagavad-Gita two days ago. Thank you for that valuable quote. If I could learn to follow it, my life would be tons better. In the 90’s I let a young writer/ poet read one of my short stories. His comments were so negative that I quit writing for several years. And he totally meant well. He was helping me, he believed. If the Bhagavad-Gita can teach me to have thick skin, I’m all for it. It would be a miracle. 🙂
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Ah, and where is this negative young writer now? Naysayers will exist. We have to glean if they really mean well or they are just being well…mean.
I keep a manuscript out of my sight for 2 weeks, then re-read it afresh. The mistakes just bounce out at me, so I correct them.
I don’t think of B. Gita as a religious text, cos religion always mixes up too many issues. I call it a philosophy/ lifestyle guide/ mental peace guide. Some of its principles do make sense to me, some don’t. SO I follow a choose-and-trial policy.
Here’s another one ISKCON gave me, ‘Frustration is the rift between expectations and reality.’
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I’ll adopt a choose-and-trial policy, then. The opening thoughts in the B. Gita center around the very thing that has puzzled me all my life: the conflict between competition for survival and the essential goal of rising above violence. If this ancient writing is the product of primitive minds, then I’m a helicopter. 😉 Truth is stranger than fiction sometimes.
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https://sweetyshinde.wordpress.com/2014/08/18/krishn-the-rorschach-test/ and https://sweetyshinde.wordpress.com/2014/07/07/atheism-to-theism-via-a-man-and-a-meal/
I think you’ll enjoy these too, if you are truly intrigued by Gita.
Primitive, no. They were a highly evolved society. And yes, although they call Mahabharata a mythology, I am positive it is History.
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Your posts were wonderful! Thank you. I would love to read more about your spiritual journey. Did you see a man with red eyes whom you believe to be one of them? Was that literal? You believe the Mahabharata is history! Wow. From what little I’ve read so far, I honestly think that makes the most sense. I have no confidence in “world” history being as brief and pedestrian as western scholars paint it. If you have any more posts or reading suggestions for me, please share them. Thank you so much! 🙂
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I met a so called middle-man. The self proclaimed Godmen. That’s the one who repelled me.
Years later, I came into contact with ISKCON. My pre-existing romance with Mahabharata acted as catalyst, so I started studying B. Gita in detail.
You could cast a glance at this too: https://sweetyshinde.wordpress.com/2014/02/05/pregnant-nun-and-parthenogenesis-in-mahabharata/
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