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My finger pauses on the delete button before I empty out the spam folder. Some comments are way too entertaining to flush down the drain.

I can roughly slot them as below –

A]  Breathless admirer – This spammer pours every existing superlative adjective on you. You are the next best writer to Lee/ Christie/ Dostoevsky/ Chekov et al. Your every post gives him a literary orgasm, detonates a delightful bomb within his mind (or wherever he likes it detonated).

Of course, it could also be a She.    secret-admirer

B] Good Samaritan – A mixture of protective brother/Mom and future best friend. They very gently point out that your blog post has missing SEO links. If you add a tag here, an italic there, alter your title and voila – you will zoom up the Alexa scale … exactly as you know your blog deserves to!

It doesn’t help their noble task when they possess a very overtly suspicious email address like tvesdbrtt@uglemail.com

C] Alice in Wonderland: Baba in the woods or damsel in distress. He has just started on the wild & wicked blog journey – could you please fling a few pearls of wisdom, Grandma? Assist with template, design, plugins  to build traffic?  Purchase Louboutin shoes, porn vidoes, xyz purses?

alice-in-wonderland

D] Foot in mouth syndrome- This one announces himself from the rooftops by obnoxious spellings, the type which set alarm bells ringing in blog world.

For example, Your letest blog post ‘picked my interest’.

Well, spammer, you just ‘piqued’ my cynicism.

E] Huh? Come again?: The irrational, incoherent rambler. Sample this –

‘I realize I only obtained a C+ in “Old Wive’s Tales” on university. Nonetheless, rasiing a lot of exciting things: Is niagra superstition related solely which will protect urine-stained twigs?’

Makes me wonder – just exactly how many empty hours do spammers have? Have you enjoyed a chortle at your spam comments? Found any more profoundly deep or vivid types?