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They cannot be inherited, unlike Genes. They are intensely personal and fiercely individual. The perfect pair of jeans – is almost nonexistent. I decided to venture forth on a shopping expedition for Los vaqueros aka Jeans aka Denims. 

One look at the multitude of brands and sub-types (jeggings, skinny, slim, boot cut, curvy etc) and I knew I was lost. The salesgirl materialized out of nowhere.

I said, ‘High waist, broad bottom.’ She looked critically at my Gluteus Maximus. gluteus maximus

Her expert eye said- ‘Not very broad.’

I hastily revised my words – ‘Broad at the ankles, I mean.’

Her brow cleared, but it wrinkled again, ‘Only low waist and narrow ankles.’ she said.

I felt ancient, over the hill, out of sync.

Low-waist jeans is a fashion trend (???) that is beyond my understanding – It is a very low joke on Indian figures. It hits Indian women below the belt, literally.

I sighed and settled for mid-waist. “Size ‘n’, please,” I requested. She sized me up in another withering glance, ‘Size n+2.’ she asserted.

I didnt feel n+2, and I stubbornly repeated my earlier request. She shrugged and brought me n.

The trial room was a trial. Size n wouldn’t fit me! Shamefaced, I opened the room to find her ready with n+2, along with a smug, been–there-done-that grin.

It fit. Feeling very low (even in a mid-waist) , bloated and irritated, I chose not to buy the pair.

Came home and tried on my old size n. It fit perfectly! Then I realized the dirty trick of fashion brands.

The old size ‘n’ was being labeled, sold and marketed as ‘n+2’! It was a conspiracy! They were playing on my psyche, shaming me into conforming to some unreal Barbie-doll proportion.

Anyway, enjoy a look at these bizarre denim fashions. jeans face jeans feet orra jeans

Oh, yes, ‘bizarre’ reminds me of a movie that I watched alone. Well, to be precise, there were exactly 5 more people in the audience. I never understood why it was named ‘Jeans’, but then the same emotion applied to the entire script.

The movie classifies as ‘See the entire movie to prove you are an Aishwarya Rai fan.’ I dutifully watched it all the way to the credits(???).

ash jeans

Have about your jeans shopping experience? Did you experience these mind-games, these tricks of emotional blackmail? I wonder how many industries benefit out of it – diet queens, gyms, liposuction clinics, psychiatrists, fashion industry?